Cheney's Late Night Buckshot

Since the 78-year-old lawyer is in “very stable” condition, a summary of the Cheney Shooting jokes around the country:

From Jon Stewart’s Daily Show

Rob Corddry: “Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush.”

From National Review’s “The Corner”

“Since wholesale Social Security reform failed, Cheney is taking a retail approach.”

“Ah, now that’s real tort reform.”

“Let’s have no more talk about independent counsels.”

From David Letterman’s Top Ten List of Cheney’s Excuses (CBS)

“Excuse? I hit him, didn't I?”

“I thought the guy was trying to go gay cowboy on me.”

David Letterman: “Honestly, I don’t know what all of the fuss is about. What’s more American than shooting your hunting buddy in the ass?”

From “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC)

“It’s part of the president's new Social Security plan. Once you hit 78, kablamo.”

“Luckily, the guy he shot was wearing the body armor that never got shipped to the troops.”

“You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, 6 more weeks of winter.”

“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” (NBC)

“Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C. Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.”

“When people found out he shot a lawyer his popularity is now at 92%”

“Cheney’s defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton.”